Reverse

Do you ever just wish you can go back and change one thing? Not say one lie that could spiral into a series of flamboyant tales.  Or do say something you’ve been hiding inside yourself all these years. If I had one moment to reverse the things I’ve said and done in my youth, I would.

I would relive talking to people. My mom’s friend, who was probably the kindest most caring person ever, died recently. Looking back I realized I recognize  now that in my foolish youth I took her for granted. I didn’t think much of all she did, letting us pick blueberries, letting us stay in her upscale vacation house, making me special tea. And all I saw her as was a person who gave me what I couldn’t have. I viewed her more as a person to help me escape my current life, than a person who was actually a large part of my actual life. She was an escape in my youthful mind, and when she died, I was selfish enough to think that I had lost my escape. 

Yet now, two years later, I think back. I don’t understand how I could of been so selfish so stupid. Little kids are always self centered, but I’m angered with my younger self for not realizing what a good and selfless person I had in front of me. I wasted time collecting what material items she showered me in than actually listening to what she had to say. And if I could go back in time, I would. I would tell her I’m sorry, I would cry and beg her to just talk to me. This time would be different, I wouldn’t be asking for anything, I’d just be asking for her presence.

Wish I would’ve known people are so temporary.

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